


Author! Author!

by 2ndchancequeen



Series: Behind the Scenes [1]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-03
Updated: 2015-03-03
Packaged: 2018-03-16 02:37:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3471248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/2ndchancequeen/pseuds/2ndchancequeen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The real reason why Regina's happy ending is never written.  Really!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Author! Author!

**Author's Note:**

> With sincere homage to Isaac Asimov for the title of the story (from his 1943 short) and a twist on his concept. After last night's episode, when Regina's soulmate got such short airtime, this had to be written! The real, TRUE reason why Regina's happy ending is elusive!

Finally, after months of hard work and tireless searching, the Storybrooke heroes have found a way to reach the author. It was Henry's painstaking inspection of every minute detail of his story book that had yielded the clues which gave Belle enough of a lead to find an obscure reference in an old tome which in turn led Regina to a spell in one of her mother's ancient books. It was a spell that would open a door directly, if it worked, into the author's own chambers.

Regina sighed contentedly as she sniffed the brew she was concocting in her vault. "Perfect! It just needs to simmer for 24 hours and then we'll be ready to use it to create the portal," she said. Henry hugged her in excitement.

"That's great, Mom!" he exclaimed. "By tomorrow night, we'll have cleared away all the obstacles to your happy ending!"

Emma and her parents looked on in pleased anticipation as well. Only Snow and Charming, noticed though, that Regina's smile faltered a bit at her son's happy words. They knew what Regina was thinking. Could there really be a happy ending for Regina with Robin permanently out of her life? Could the author get him back for her with just a flick of a pen? Without killing Marian in the process?

Snow looked up at Charming with a question in her eyes. He nodded his head slightly. These two knew each other so well that they could communicate without words. Charming stepped closer to the cauldron, effectively blocking Regina's view of Snow. He leaned over the cauldron and asked in his best 'I'm an air-headed prince' voice:

"So what exactly does this thing do?"

Regina gave an exasperated sigh. "Honestly, David! How many times do I have to explain in order for you to keep information in that 'charming' head of yours?"

He simply looked across the rising vapors at her, batted his big blue eyes a couple of times and shrugged. "Once more?"

Regina shook her head. "All right. One more time. Once this potion is ready, I use it to paint a door on the wall along with a door knob while I concentrate on finding the author. The door will open to his chambers. We go through and confront him, but one person has to continue standing in the doorway to keep it open. If it closes before we return, we may not be able to get back from his realm."

"So we're sure he's in a different realm?" Snow asked. She had sidled up beside Charming next to the cauldron.

"No, but the spell will take us to him wherever he is," Regina replied. She gave the cauldron one last stir. "Well, there's no use standing around staring at the pot, we might as well go to dinner."

Emma smirked, "You mean a watched cauldron never boils?" 

Regina simply rolled her eyes and went to pick up her purse. "I'll put a protection spell on the vault, just in case, but it should be fine while we're at Granny's."

"Oh, Regina, I know we said we'd go to dinner tonight, but David and I have decided to stay at home with Neal. You don't mind, do you?" Snow asked.

"Of course not. I can understand that you'd want to have a little time together before tomorrow's adventure," Regina said. She missed the odd look Emma gave her parents.

The Charmings and Emma exited the vault first. Once out of sight of Regina and Henry, Emma caught her parents' arms. "I know you two were lying back there, what's up?"

Snow and Charming exchanged a look. "We'll tell you once we're in the truck." Once inside and David had started the engine, Snow explained quickly to her daughter, "While we were down there, I stole the scroll that allowed Ingrid to get to Storybrooke -- you know, the one we retrieved from Cruella after the latest fiasco. David's going to persuade the Blue Fairy to go with him across the town line and find Robin. It may not be that he can stay long, but Regina needs to see him and know that he cares, no matter of how this turns out. Blue can read the scroll and use her magic to get everyone back over the town line."

Emma frowned. "Why Blue? Why don't I go with Dad?"

Snow took the scroll out of her purse where she had hidden it. She opened the scroll. "Can you read this?" The parchment was covered in a strange language Emma didn't understand, but should. Her magic hadn't progressed to the point of being able to translate ancient spells yet.

"No," she said in a tone that was almost as grumpy as Grumpy. Not to be stopped at just that one interjection, she came up with another problem. "Will Blue really help? She doesn't like Regina at all."

"I can guilt her into helping," David said confidently. "If Blue had given Regina a chance years ago, when she was still young and not hardly evil at all, a lot of lives would have been saved. Blue did Regina a terrible wrong and she has yet to do even one small thing to make up for it. This is her chance."

"What about Marian?" Emma asked.

"If Robin wants to return to Marian, we'll get him back to her and use the scroll to return to Storybrooke. But this time, we'll give him a cell phone with all our numbers. I can't believe Regina sent him across the town line with a ton of instructions and bunches of money, but no cell phone, nor our numbers or email addresses!" Snow said in frustration.

"To be fair," Emma said, "We didn't know that cell phones or e-mails would work across town lines until weeks after they'd left."

David finally chimed in. "I'm blaming that one on the author. Just another way of getting at Regina at one point, but easily enough fixed when it suited his plot for someone else's story."

Emma couldn't help but agree.

_____________________________

The next evening Regina was fussing over the cauldron while Henry and Emma looked on. "Where are your parents, Miss Swan? I've only a few minutes left to paint the door on the wall before the potion loses its power!"

"They'll be here! Start painting and they'll be here before you're done," she said with forced confidence. Regina sighed heavily, but poured several ladles full of liquid into a smaller pot. She grabbed a brush from the table and walked to an unadorned wall of the vault. She inhaled deeply and concentrated on the author as she painted the outline of a door in glowing purple strokes. Once she had added a door knob, she stepped back and closed her eyes, giving one last 'push' in her mind to finding the author. The door in front of her glowed and opened.

"Regina! You did it!" Regina spun, unbelieving, at the sound of Robin's voice behind her.

"Robin!?! How did you get here?"

"Mom! There's no time! Go through the door and we'll get explanations later!" Henry yelled at her.

"Everybody go through," David yelled. "I'll stand in the frame and hold it open."

Snow, Regina, Henry, Emma and Robin ran through the door and nearly rolled over one another on the other side.

"It's so small," Henry said, looking around the cramped space.

"And messy," Regina added, picking up one of several partially-filled coffee mugs strewn about the space between stacks of paperbacks and magazines.

"It seems rather modern for the man we're seeking," Robin said, unearthing a computer keyboard from under a newspaper. "Definitely not The Enchanted Forest."

"And not Storybrooke either," Snow said as she fished a discarded cup out of the overflowing trash bin next to a desk. She held it out for the others to see. "We don't have a Starbuck's in town."

"Um, guys," Emma said as she looked at a poster on the wall. "I think we've definitely got the right place."

David, who was dutifully standing in the doorway, followed his daughter's gaze. "Regina! Isn't that you?"

It did indeed seem to be Regina, holding a very large, luscious apple in front of her face leaving only her eyes, with a rather wicked glint in them, showing above it.

Regina gaped. "That's really...."

"Sexy," Robin completed. Regina glared at him and glanced at Henry then back at Robin with a warning look. Robin smiled crookedly and shrugged.

"Look, Mom - here's another one!" Henry pointed at the opposite wall. This one was of Regina's full face, still in Evil Queen mode but with a slight smile.

"You know, Regina, I'm beginning to think the author has a crush on you," Emma said.

"Or maybe not," Regina countered, pointing to a third graphic -- this one of the back of a woman with long blond hair in a red leather jacket standing with a sword in her hand in a swirl of purple of smoke in the middle of what was obviously Storybrooke's Main Street.

Just then the door (the real door to the office) opened and a middle-aged, slightly overweight man in sweatpants, tennis shoes, and a sweatshirt walked in carrying an extra large Starbuck's coffee. He froze in place.

"This can't be happening. This can't be happening," he repeated to himself.

"Yes, it can," Regina snarled. "Are you the author?"

"The author?"

"Yes! The author who refuses to give me a happy ending!"

"Oh! No, yes, well, I mean I'm a writer. We're usually called writers, not authors, in this business," he said, beginning to sweat.

Regina was looking frustrated so Robin stepped in.

"Please. You look like a reasonable fellow. Please, why won't you write a happy ending for Regina?" he asked.

"I did! At least, I did write something where things came out nicely, but it never made it to the final scripts," he said. He began shaking his head and put his free hand to his brow. He muttered to himself, "I've been afraid of this ever since reading that Asimov story."

"What story?" Snow asked.

The man sighed and took down his hand. "Never mind. It doesn't matter."

Snow stepped closer to him. "I know Regina did many horrible things, but she has redeemed herself over and over again. Please, please, write her a happy ending that does make it into, what did you call it? Scripts?" She used her best 'I'm Snow White and too sweet to deny anything' face on him.

"Oh, no, don't you use that face on me! I wrote you that face! I can't do what you want! I can't!" he cried.

"But why not?" Henry asked.

"Because," the man stopped for a moment and then finally blurted out a sentence faster than a lightning strike. "Because if Regina gets a happy ending then the whole TV series is over and we'll all be out of work! Hundreds of crew and cast members, not to mention me! We've all got families to feed, children to put through school. The whole storyline is based on the Evil Queen and if she lives happily ever after, then there's no more story! We all starve!"

Regina wasn't exactly sure why her continued unhappiness seemed to be the foundation upon which a few hundred people earned their livelihood, but he seemed sincere. She glanced at Emma. "Is he lying?"

Emma shook her head. "No," she said, sounding a little befuddled herself. "He's telling the truth."

Regina sighed deeply. "Then there's nothing we can do to persuade you?"

The man shook his head pitifully. "I'm sorry. There's not. I would if I could. You're my favorite of all of them. I'd love to give you something more than fleeting joy. And I will someday, I promise, but I just can't until it looks like the run is over."

Regina wasn't really sure what that meant, but decided to say thank you, anyway. Over Henry and Snow's protests, she shooed them toward the magic door. Emma hooked her arm over her son's shoulder and led him out through the portal. Robin took David's place in the doorway to hold it open. Regina stopped in front of him and looked up into his eyes. Her own were filled with tears. "I'm sorry."

He shook his head. "Don't be." He leaned over and kissed her as tenderly and lovingly as any kiss has ever been and then slipped through the door. Regina followed and the magic door began to close.

The writer sighed heavily and wiped a tear from his eye. She really was his favorite.

"So what if..." The writer's head snapped up at the sound of Regina's voice. The door was almost closed, but she had popped her head around the edge and for all the world looked like one of her old Evil Queen portraits on the wall.

"So what if someone good in the story became not so good? For a just little while? Maybe give the villain a happy vacation?" She winked languidly and gave that evil little smile before letting the door slip shut.


End file.
